"Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise" - The Beatles

I am lingering between two dimension of reality and dream

Whoever knows the way to the immortal life?

I live in this world for I am coerced

Do I have a choice? Do I have my own free will?

No… because I am crippled, you amputate me

I can’t walk my way alone

But did you ever hear me whimper? Did you ever hear from me a single whine?

None… Because I am mute

I can’t utter a single word

Might not as well mimic my way to freedom

‘Coz that’ll be the most discreet yet the darkest form of escape

 

Perhaps I both love and hate music

I love the rhythm and the melody

Music has a life of its own

But why can’t I have one?

I am a lifeless, soulless being

I am dead

Yet I can hear the music

Still playing… still alive…

I can’t feel any pulse in me

I can’t hear my breath

I’ve already reached my expiration date

But can’t those restoration devices of your generation bring me back to life?

I am stiffening from cold

If you can’t revive me just lull me to sleep

Sing me a lullaby of misery

Read me a poem of death

And oh please give me some food to eat

I am suffering from hunger and thirst

I am craving for love and understanding

Give me heed will you?

For years you just fed me with hatred and vindication

Now is the time for sweet revenge

I cry no more, I cry no more

I am numb from sadness and pain

I have paved my way to immortality

And so you mortals bend those knees and pay the respect

The respect I never had when I am still the moron you used to know

Now I have the power

I can kill and condemn you for all I care!

But wait, wait…

I can’t laugh… I still can’t…

I am supposed to be happy

I am supposed to laugh like a villain in a movie

But still I feel so empty…

I am nothing… Still nothing…

Will you just lull me back to sleep?

Sing me a lullaby of love

Read me a poem of dreams

Send me back to the realm I belong

And once again…

Let me flash those grins

Let me shed those tears

Let me hear the music

Let me savor the silence

Let me feel the bliss and misery

Let me LIVE my LIFE as it is…

 

“Laughter and Happiness do come in handy, and so does Misery and Tears..”

                                                                        - Lileth Osido

 
 

        Mula nang dumating sa buhay ko ang 'notebook ni Istakel' isang imahe ang nabuo sa aking isipan. Isang bagong karakter ang pumasok sa aking buhay. Si Istakel.. kengkoy pero puno ng angst, mukhang gago pero malalim ang pagkatao, bangag sa literatura, sa pag-ibig - sa kalungkutan.. Unti-unti syang napamahal sa akin nang hindi ko namamalayan at dahil isa lamang siyang produkto ng aking imahinasyon pinangarap kong maging parte siya ng tunay kong mundo. At hindi naman ako nabigo..

        Minsan nang dumaan ang isang Istakel sa buhay ko. Minsan ko na syang nakasabay tumawa, nakadamay umiyak, at nakasamang makipaglaro sa dakilang musa. Naranasan ko na kung gaano kasarap magmahal at mahalin ng isang Istakel pero dahil sa takot at sa pagtatago ng tunay na nararamdaman, sa isang iglap nawala ang aking Istakel. Nagluksa man ako ng matagal, ngayon tuluyan na kong nakabangon. At dahil ang una kong Istakel ay masaya na sa nalipatan niyang mundo, ang mundo na nagpuno sa aking mga pagkukulang alam ko na kailangan ko na ring hanapin at harapin ang isang panibagong Istakel..

       Si Istakel, kengkoy pero puno ng angst, mukhang gago pero malalim ang pagkatao, bangag sa literatura, sa pag-ibig - sa kalungkutan..

       Baka ikaw na ang ISTAKEL ko?!

(In memory of my first-ever Istakel.. you will always have a special place in my heart.)

R.I.P

April 26, 2004 - June 30, 2005

'sic itar ad astra..

tomorrow i shall wake..

tagal ko nawala sa sirkulasyon..

'coz all summer i'm damn too busy - PROCRASTINATING..

fun?! shit..

try it!!!

This boredom is killing me.. care to save me??

This boredom is killing me.. care to save me??

This boredom is killing me.. care to save me??

This boredom is killing me.. care to save me??

‘Juz got my grades for the 2^nd semester and guess what?  I failed in college algebra! But hey there’s no hurt feelings  ‘coz I really expected that this gonna happen.  Maaga pa lang nagluksa na ko! Hehe.. Buti na lang Math lang kasi if I also failed in Bio  or History  I would rather jump off a skyscraper!!  ‘Coz I know if that happens I’m gonna be kicked out of my course and I can’t see myself taking up any course other than CA.. kaya nga thankful pa rin ako..

 

Aba positive ang outlook ko sa mga pangyayari ngayon ha.. samantalahin ko na kaya? Hmm.. I’m gonna think of the lighter side of all of this.. I failed Math?  Anu naman lighter side nun? Uhhmm.. may possibility na maging classmate ko  yung crush ko if ever I take math  next sem? Nah.. matalino sa Math ‘yun e!  Magkakasama pa rin kami ng mga tropa ko kasi bagsak din sila? Ngek.. I’m not even sure kung aku lang bagsak e! hmmm.. can’t think of anything else.. kayo nga mag-isip para sa’kin.. hihi!!